Love the Process

Having a baby changes your body. I have stretch marks that look like a map all over my tummy. I have diastasis recti where my muscles separated while I was pregnant because I had a pretty unhealthy pregnancy with undiagnosed gestational diabetes and gained probably sixty pounds instead of the recommended 35.  And saggy skin, which gets more droopy as I find some pounds and inches melting off. 

I remember after having Matthew I would just sit in the bathroom and look at the war zone that was my body. I was in awe of the difference that having a child makes on your life, emotions, and body. For a long time there I was disappointed in who I was and how I looked. I was never going to be the girl I was before Matthew. But today, I’m damn proud of the progress I have made both physically and internally.

I’ll never have rock hard abs and I’ll probably always have a roll over my jeans. But WHO CARES! I certainly have gotten to a point where I don’t because I am in such a better place than I ever was. When the focus is on the RESULTS you desire, then the changes you’ve made to get those results don’t seem to last. However, when you really focus on the changes you are making, and WHY you are making them – the process of getting healthy, that’s when those results stick for the long term. If I can do this, you can, too. You just have to make a decision and never look back.

Getting healthy is HARD, but being unhealthy is hard, too. YOU have to decide which hard you want in your life.  I will say for certain that the small (and sometimes large!) joys on the hard journey to getting healthy are much more rewarding than feeling trapped in a body and mind you don’t love. Have FAITH in yourself and your ability to be who YOU want to be! Never EVER give up on yourself. YOU are worth the investment.

Who or What is your Enemy?

As I sat in church today and listened to the message the pastor gave, I felt like he was speaking to me and me alone.  See the message was about loving our enemies. That is an insanely difficult concept to comprehend. How can we love others who have done us wrong? I however, was not thinking about how I could love other people who have slighted me. No, I was thinking that my enemy is my very own self.

We are our own worst critics.  Women are often times the worst when it comes to shaming the way we look, the way we feel, the way we parent, the way we handle marriage, or the way we handle friendships.  I am my own worst critic when it comes to the way I parent, the way I tend to my house,  how I eat, when I exercise, and even put guilt on myself because I certainly am not the mom that I thought I was going to be.

So if I am my own enemy, how do I fix this? This is what I was thinking in church. How do I get myself to the point where I am not my own enemy? How do I live authentically and wholeheartedly myself? I know for one thing, it’s listening to what God knows is best for me. I love the bible verse and it was the one the pastor shared today that really got me thinking: 1 Samuel 16: 7 “The Lord doesn’t see things the way YOU see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I find such POWER in those words because I know that God knows what is in my heart, and He will help me defeat what I perceive as my enemies. I feel like as a woman I frequently worry about my outward appearance and judge myself for the way I look, even as I lose weight, that ENEMY that the pastor was talking about keeps coming forth.

I know that for me to have a healthy heart, life, outward appearance, and relationships the first person I need to work on is myself.  If you allow the seeds of hate to be planted in your heart, those seeds will continue to grow – and many of us have MANY seeds of hate that we have created over the years about our bodies, relationships, and mind – what we need to do is take action to release those notions we’ve created. I work on myself by reading daily scripture and personal development in order to build confidence in myself and find peace in my heart.  Devoting time everyday to my health by exercising and eating healthy foods helps squash those issues of disliking my outward appearances and to bring my inner confidence to show on the outside. Spending time playing with my husband and child diminish that enemy that tells me I’m not an adequate wife or mother. Taking nights off from being at home to spend time connecting with friends helps me keep balance in my life as a wife, mom, and friend.

I know I have a lot of growing to do to keep my own enemy out of my mind. I hope that by reading this it has helped you discover who or what your enemy is. I hope it helps you realize that it's okay to not be adequate in all that you do. God knows what is in your heart and He will always honor his promise to you that you will be provided for. My prayer for you is that you discover ways to create a healthy heart that doesn’t harbor hate for anything in your life.